I’d like to start out first and foremost by saying thank you. The support I have received since deciding to be open about my own mental health struggles has been overwhelming, in the best way possible. I would not be writing this today if it weren’t for the hope that everything I’ve gone through could somehow touch another person, and inspire recovery in them on their own journey.
I decided to create Dream Girl Diaries as a way to not only help others, but to help myself. Something I’ve learned is the more I talk about it, the less control it has over me. So when I say that this is just as much for me as it is for you, I mean it. I often find myself consumed in my own thoughts and emotions with only the pages of my journal to lose myself in — which in no way is a bad thing. But when I think about people who have reached out to me, telling me their stories and how much it means to them to have someone they can confide in so they feel less alone, I can’t keep to myself anymore. I have gone through too much, seen too much, and experienced first hand the pain and control a mental illness can have over a person. To stay silent is to let it win, and I’ve fought too hard for too long to let it win.
As some of you may know, I have been hospitalized 4 times within the past 6 months (as of the date this is being written) for mental health. I attempted suicide 3 of the 4 times, and came close the fourth. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder, anxiety, anorexia, PTSD, and Borderline Personality Disorder. This is the first time I have opened up to my followers about my diagnosis. I’ve felt very ashamed to talk about it. I’ve felt crazy trying to explain my thoughts to even my family members and closest friends. It’s scary, especially when you don’t understand what you’re going through yourself. I’ve been silenced by my own fear of what people may think, and to feel so small as to believe you have to battle with your own mind privately, is a feeling I don’t want anyone in my shoes to go through.
Dream Girl Diaries is my personal journey through fighting an illness that tries to silence me daily. Dream Girl Diaries is where I’m going to try and fight to end the stigma behind mental illness, because no one should be afraid to open up in fear of what society has glamorized of our struggles. Dream Girl Diaries is a safe space, and I want everyone to know that I am here if you ever need someone to listen to you when you think you have no one. You are not alone. I am not alone. This is for the dream girls and boys who lost themselves and want to find their worth again.
Suicide Prevention Hotline
National Sexual Assault Hotline
Eating Disorders Hotline
Healing Women’s Foundation Hotline